What usually happens is that people expect those more marginalized than themselves to teach them, do emotional labor for them, and explain themselves to them, all on their time, in a “polite” manner, and with no regard for the emotional and intellectual labor and trauma that goes into knowing the answer via direct experience.

So white folks expect their Black friends to be experts on the Black experience and to explain all about it whilst also holding space for white guilt and white tears.

Or straight people asking rude-ass questions about trans folks bodies.

And on and on.

It’s especially annoying when the more privileged person (because like time, privilege and oppression is relative and the context always matters; it’s not clear-cut and most people have a combination of both) asks questions that could be easily researched, that are highly insulting and traumatic, and without any offer of reciprocity or compensation.

So yes, I was both being cheeky and serious. Because it is bothersome.