Urgent: This is How We Die

Okay. Just found out I have til June 1st to find another place.

Like, they told me as long as I needed and we’d find a place all together, then shortened that to four to six months. So I planned around that. Otherwise why the hell would I bother banking on going to Austria? I’d have just saved the money I used for the passports.

Now, apparently, I only have a month. I have NOTHING. Still don’t have insurance. No help from county and is it even worth getting cuz I don’t know where the hell I’ll be.

They waited until after I did it to tell me. Obviously they’d been planning it for a while. But nah, basic consideration like, “you know, this is worst case scenario,” is beyond doing.

Yte ppl. They can just wash their hands clean and walk away and be ok. They will always choose everything else, even and especially their animals and their comfort, over us.

Anyway, since I’m unrentable as a multiply-disabled Black single parent, I need to either be able to afford an RV or to move very far away, ASAP.

I need some time to think and plan. But please, I still really need support, now more than ever. My health is worse, I am not even set up on services in this county yet, and I…have no options. I can’t go back to hotels; it will literally kill me. My body is still fucked up from all the moving I’ve done.

This is how we die. From people who support “love” and “niceness”, but have entire systems of legalized and enforceable support behind them. My choice, my voice, did not matter. I can’t even be angry because my heart is already racing and arrythmic. My body can’t handle it; that’s how much stress I’m under.

Take a look back through my past year or so, or back through the past three, or my whole life. Look at every instance of every single person saying no to my right to exist, to my needs, to my truth.

Systemic oppression is a no to every facet of one’s existence. It makes it impossible to survive. It is hostile in its lack of instant lethality. It is inexorable in its apathy. It is always, always fatal.

And everyone just sits there watching me drown.

You think you’re good people, but you’re not. I don’t believe in fairies.

If you want to actually practice what you preach, help me get an RV. Help me get decent insurance. Help me find decent clients. Babysit my kids without being creepy or overcharging me. Pay for all the years I’ve worked but never received compensation for. Don’t just gawk at me; DO SOMETHING!

Integrated Non-Monogamy, Metanoiac Alethiology, aro love terms, cuil fiction, & more; Speaker; Sensitivity Editor Cuil Press. https://the-metanoiac-portal.mn.co

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