Mm, yes. It’s like the sickest sort of counterbalance. We the victims get cPTSD but there’s a corollary for predators. It originates with the predators this darkness. They twist what should be good and right.
And then people wonder why trauma victims have trust issues. Like, really? Aversion therapy (torture), anyone?
I found repair through my stories. I was first raped at age 12 (though I’d been assaulted from about the age of 5). I had to rethink everything, coldly, purely logically, to maintain my integrity, my resilience. Some victims have someone tell them and show them/reflect their true worth. Most victims don’t get that chance. Many have to wander around trying to figure out who is the predator.
It’s a fucked up dance, where the predator and prey can always spot one another, but it’s always tipped in the predator’s favor because for some reason, abuse culture has been allowed to thrive. Good men stand by and do nothing as we are killed, over and over.
They get to use that excuse that they didn’t know any better. Well, why not? They use trust, love, and kindness as tools to get what they want. They can’t see our pain; they can only see our “use”. So of course our agency becomes a non-factor as they project their desires on us.
And that surface vs substance thinking that abuse culture virulently reproduces in lets us all wear those masks. And then it’s too late. Sigh.
I’ve passed along your article to TBINAA, so you may see it there soon. I’ll also be cross-posting on Postmodern Woman in about a month or so. Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to share such deep, raw truth (One of your friends asked on my behalf after I shared an article in a group).
Many people have never seen the iceberg of rape culture, nor the fetid waters of abuse culture in which it floats, and so I fear they may just have to crash into the tip top and drown in the frigid sea to really, finally get it.
Everyone says rape is bad. But too many people don’t even know what rape really is.