Abuse Culture Tips: Questions and Thoughts to Keep in Mind
*On abusers and repentance: If you want to “help” someone who’s transgressed, you only need to offer it once. Then move on. They know where to find you if they need to. Like, the problem is their overabundance of options, not lack thereof. Where’s the support and restoration for the people who actually need it? That’s what matters. Be wary of a continued focus on the perpetrator to the victim’s detriment.
*And we do need to consider context for who to trust and inform and maintain ties with: those who don’t know what was done, those keeping an eye on perpetrators to actively keep them from doing harm, and those who just dgaf.
*Speaking of harm: I'm thinking of that scene from The Craft: I bind you. I bind you from doing harm against yourself and others.
^that is basically the goal and requirement for bystanders who need to become anti-abuse agents. The point is massive harm reduction, barring healing (which takes forever, and often never)
Ask Some Questions of Yourself and Others:
- Is there a power imbalance?
The difference between hurting and abusing is always power (as opposed to responsibility and accountability).
That’s why it occurs nearly everywhere, even within “social justice” and “feminist” spaces. Colonization and evo psych have distorted our thinking to the point where people assume hierarchies, competition, and barbarism…
